engagement

It feels like forever since I last blogged and though it has only been a month, that is an unacceptable amount of time. Engagement is something that I have been really struggling with this year and not blogging has further distanced me with the kwoon and my team. It was easier to stay engaged when I was still in Alberta because I was seeing the team on an almost daily basis. In class I would get encouragement or be pushed when needed and I was able to communicate in person with everyone else. Though I was still reading blogs and mostly kind of keeping up with writing my own it seemed that it wasn't quite as necessary. An incredibly wrong way of thinking about this for two reasons. 

1) the blog is not only to share your experiences but to also act as a journal that you can look back on. It's hard to notice progress sometimes unless you have a reference point and it is even harder to remember the past. To prove this try and remember your day three days ago what did you do and how did you feel chances are your already forgetting a lot of details. 

2) secondly this helped to establish a lazy habit towards journalling that like I said have been struggling with for this year.

So where am I at so far in the year? I'm at a point where I can give up having technically failed a couple of my requirements. Go on living a disconnected life completely unengaged and progressively waste several years of training and the benefits that went along. But I refuse to quit because I am stubborn and I refuse to accept mediocrity because I have higher aspirations for myself. 

A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.Mark Twain